My 3 Recruitment Wishes…

Before I start today I want to shamelessly promote 2 events.

Firstly, in conjunction with the RCSA, I am presenting a blog writing workshop in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane & Perth… do yourself a favour…

Secondly, join me at the SoSu in Melbourne in August… you won’t be disappointed.

Now… on to my story…

Imagine… if you will… me on a holiday in sunny Marrakesh. I’m strolling through a crowded street bazaar where you can buy just about anything… juvenile spider monkeys… rare (and spicy) spices… a VHS copy of Caddyshack…

genie1When suddenly a toothless man with sunken eyes, wearing a traditional Moroccan djellaba and a Collingwood scarf appears in front of me. He is gesticulating wildly… hopping from one foot to the other and waving what appears to be an ancient lamp in front of me…

‘Two Shekels… Two Shekels!’ he screams.

I know I am supposed to barter… I even have my platinum Bartercard™ on me… but I’m too scared. I place two shiny shekels in his weathered hand. He tosses the lamp in the air… it spins… once… twice… thrice. The man disappears just as I reach out to catch my overpriced new purchase. I drop it and it crashes to the ground. Everyone in the market stops what they are doing and stares… first at me… then the fallen lamp…

‘Whoopsy daisy.’ I say… almost apologetically.

I bend slowly to pick it up. It feels like the entire market leans in with me as I reach for the lamp. There is an audible sigh as I gather my quarry… I pop it in my backpack and instantly the market returns to normal.

‘Funny folk.’ I think as I stroll down a deserted alleyway that leads back to my hostel.

Good story huh? Well it doesn’t end there my friends…

Hours later, after enjoying a traditional meal of Mrouzia and flat bread I reach in to my backpack to contemplate my new lamp.

Turning it over in my hands I notice it has become slightly scuffed and dented from the dropped catch.

‘Shit!’ I curse out loud. ‘I should have haggled him down to one shekel!’

genie2I use the sleeve of my shirt to rub the lamp… once… twice… thrice. Then ‘POOF!’ There is a puff of smoke and a huge blue genie (looking very disinterested… and slightly miffed), appeared in front of me. In fright I drop the lamp. It hits the floor and rolls under the bed. The genie watches the lamp disappear… rubs his head… looks at me and says…

‘Figures… so you’re the butterfingers who dropped the lamp and gave me a mild concussion…’ I stared at him… disbelievingly… and a little bit embarrassed.

‘Anyway,’ he continued. ‘You are now my master… yada yada yada… three wishes… blah blah blah.’

I stood… rooted to the spot. My jaw almost hitting the rancid, hostel floor.

‘Well…’ he prompted. ‘The 3 wishes? I’m running late for the Casablanca Camel races. I have a sure thing in the second…’ He looked down at his fob watch and tapped it a couple of times.

I still couldn’t say anything.

‘Ok…’ he said. ‘I can see you’re struggling with this. Let me help you out a little bit… what do you do for a living?’

‘Ummm… I’m a recruiter.’ I replied.

‘Well how about using the wishes to make your job a little better?’

I continued to stare blankly… and he sighed loudly.

‘C’mon Einstein.’ He said. ‘If I gave you 3 recruitment wishes what would they be?’

‘Ohhhh.’ I said. ‘I see where you’re going here…’

He nodded for me to continue.

‘Well… here goes… number 1… I wish all candidates would stop lying to their recruiters and hiring managers.’

He crossed his arms, nodded his head and ‘POOF!… Done.’ He said

‘Great… I also wish that all clients would stop lying to candidates and recruiters…’

‘Your wish is my command… POOF!’

‘Ok… ok… ok.’ I said. I was really getting the hang of it now. ‘ For my final wish… I wish all recruiters would stop lying to their candidates & clients!’

‘POOF! Done.’ The genie rushed. ‘Listen thanks for making your wishes etc. but I really need to get to the races…’

‘Sure… on your way then.’ I acquiesced.

He crossed his arms and was about to blink himself away… then he looked me up and down… ‘You’re really pretty new to this aren’t you?’ he said.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

‘Well… you really wasted 2 very valuable wishes.’ I looked at him quizzically. ‘ I mean… why didn’t you just say that you wish nobody lied in recruitment?’

And with that… ‘POOF!’ he disappeared.

genie3But seriously… wouldn’t recruitment be soooo much better without all of the lies?

Without candidates saying… this is the only role I’m looking at… my grand mother died… I’m currently on $100k… I was in a car accident… etc.

Or clients saying… sure, I agree to your terms of business… we have a super low staff turnover rate… your candidate is still in the mix, but I just need a few days before we decide on the next step… we were already connected to your candidate via our network.

Or recruiters saying. We’ll keep your details on file and contact you when something suitable comes up… the hiring manager hasn’t got back to me yet… your expected salary is in the ball park… I have a client who has asked me to reach out to you.

Anyway, point is… nothing will change until we take the bull by the horns and do something ourselves… so recruiters… and I mean all of youeven the cowboys… raise your right hand and repeat after me…

‘I will not lie.’

There… feels better already… doesn’t it?

Craig Watson

4 thoughts on “My 3 Recruitment Wishes…”

  1. Craig- So unbelievably on point! The fact that you didn’t wish for more sent invoices raises a red flag but I’ll give you a pass because I have absolutely had days when my first two wishes would have been the same as yours. Bravo!

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